so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
