I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
