I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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