I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
