Pappa wants mamma naked
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
NoShamevember. You game?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
