Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
