You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
