He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
