Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
