you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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