you didnt know i had herpes?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
