I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
