dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
