just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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