so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
