feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
