Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
