the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
