I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
