I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
