imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
