I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize