Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
