My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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