There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
