I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
