found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dick very happy bro
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
