..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
