Welp...herpes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
