I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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