I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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