Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck appropriateness.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
