Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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