i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize