so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
