Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Couch. On fire.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
