the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
