when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
