You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
