In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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