I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
