I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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