I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
