I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
