white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
