new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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