I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
