so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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