So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
two words: eviction party
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
