I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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