NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
