I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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