Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
