He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
