I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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