I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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