I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
