Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
