I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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