I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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