and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
