im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
