I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
the raccoons are back...
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