Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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