u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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