he shaved USA in his pubs
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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