see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
